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Seamus O'Ffend's Dirty Limericks, Jokes & Toasts


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Seamus O'Ffend's Dirty Limericks, Jokes & ToastsToasts


TOASTS

 

Scientists have shown that approximately 0.075% of the fun of drinking is the toast to what you're drinking! Still, no PubSprawl is complete without a few toasts.




To nipples...without them breasts would be pointless!

-Sent in by a "J"

 

* * * *

 

Here's to a long life and a merry one.

A quick death and an easy one.

A pretty girl and an honest one.

A cold beer—and another one!

When we drink, we get drunk.

When we get drunk, we fall asleep.

When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.

When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.

So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!

 

* * * *

 

 

Here's to me, and here's to you,

And here's to love and laughter-

I'll be true as long as you,

And not one moment after.

May your glass be ever full.

May the roof over your head be always strong.

And may you be in heaven

half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

 

* * * * 

 

Here's to you and yours

And to mine and ours.

And if mine and ours

Ever come across to you and yours,

I hope you and yours will do

As much for mine and ours

As mine and ours have done

For you and yours!

 

* * * *

 

Here's to our wives and girlfriends:

May they never meet!

 

* * * *

 

Let's fecking drink!

-Sent in by Anonymous

 

* * * *

 

 Over the lips and over the gums, look out liver, here beer comes!

-Sent in by Anonymous

 

* * * *

 

 

Only you understand me!

-Sent in by SK

 

* * * *

 

To alcohol: the cause of and solution to, all life's problems

-Sent in by somebody allegedly named Homer J.Simpson

 

* * * * 

 

The Luck is gone,

the brain is shot,

but the liquor we still got!

-Cocktails