THE RULES

You're on your own. We're not responsible for you. You're responsible for you. Etc. Etc. Etc.

I. THE ABRIDGED VERSION OF THE RULES

(FOR THOSE IN A HURRY OR HATE READING)

1. BE RESPONSIBLE.*

Don't cause fights. Don't be rude. Know your limit, Smart Guy and/or Girl. (This PubSprawl is a serious-down-to-earth-responsible-type-partying-thing, not some amateur-my-parents-are-out-of-town-and-I-know-where-they-keep-the-liquor-cabinet-door-key-puke-ass-carnie-festival-type-thing!)

 

*And by responsible we mean you're the one who is in control of your actions and none of us here or "society at large" made you do it. We don't want to hear any of this ducking repsonsibility like Pete Townshend and his phoney-baloney ("I was doing pedophile research on the internet") and/or Paul (Pee Wee Herman) Rubens crap ("I was collecting fine pedophile art, that's all") and/or Jeffrey (Mr. Rooney) Jones bullsh-t that he was "simply holding onto the child porn for a friend."* Kapiche?**

 

*No the PubSprawl has nothing to do with pedophilia. Honest.

 

**Kapiche is a old Gaellic word from Celtic heritage meaning, "do you understand?" but like in Italian.

 

2. DO NOT FRIGGIN' DRIVE.

(See Rule #1 above) Hint: Plan ahead and have cash reserved for a cab or CTA fare. You alone are responsible for this stupidity and any damage it causes!!!! No one is responsible for your actions but yourself, despite what your parents may say! Just don't do it. Kapiche?

 

3. EAT FOOD.

Do not just rely on alcohol for "nourishment!"

 

II. THE UNABRIDGED VERSION OF THE RULES

(FOR THOSE WHO SAVOR A FINE RULE-READING)

1. SOCIALIZE

Everyone must enjoy themselves and be ready to meet people! If you join up with the PubSprawl, you must "check in" to be "badged", counted, introduced, and told if there is any drink specials!!!! We need to know how many PubSprawlers there are. Oh - and ask Peggy who she is when she checks you in! Obviously you know she started it, be sure to tell your friends so they can pretend they've been around.

 

2. BRING FRIENDS (WHO KNOW HOW TO SOCIALIZE)

Everyone should bring at least one friend and have at least told another to join us!

 

3. DO NOT FRIGGIN' DRIVE.

No One Is To Drive After Drinking Alcohol. We repeat: No One Is To Drive After Drinking Alcohol. Everyone Must Stop An Inebriated Person from Driving by having a taxi run the Inebriated Person over repeatedly until some sense is knocked into the drunken person. Hint: Plan ahead and have cash reserved for a cab or CTA fare. We're not responsible for any type of damage caused by this stupidity!!!! No one is responsible for your actions but yourself, despite what your parents told ya!

 

4. BE REPSPONSIBLE

Don't cause fights. Don't be rude. And know your limit. Especially since you alone are responsible for your own actions, as you know. Don't blame, hurt, sue, puke on, or pick a fight with us or anybody for that matter. You make your own good time. Don't blow it!

 

4.5 DON'T DO THIS:

4.75 YEAH, DEFINITELY DON'T DO THAT.

 

5. ONE DRINK MAXIMUM

No one is to drink more than 1 glass of alcohol at any one establishment, except the final stop (if there is one), of course, since we'll be there until it closes. By limiting yourself to one drink, you not only help your liver, you also help the PubSprawl crawl along...

 

6. EAT

Everyone is expected to consume some sort of nourishment during the PubSprawl, other than just alcohol. (No, Guinness does not equal food, although it's allegedly good for you.)

 

7. AVOID DRUNK, MALE-CHAUVINIST, RACIST, NAZIS

Okay, okay, this is a long story from a old Pub-Sprawl far, far away...but basically it means if you're challenged to a fight by some joker, walk away to drink another day.

 

8. BE NICE

Everyone must treat the wait staff respectfully. They'd rather be on the PubSprawl, you know, rather than serving us.

 

9. THERE IS NO RULE NINE

There is no rule nine.

 

10. THE GOLDEN RULE

If in doubt, always remember the Golden Rule: Do Unto Others as You Would Want Them To Treat You All Nice and Friendly-Like.

 

11. INDEMNIFY ALL OF US AND YOURSELF WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

Don't hold any of us, your friends, the barkeep, or anyone else for that matter, liable or accountable for your stupid ass.