Former PubSprawler to Represent USA in Torino Winter Olympics' "Pubcrawl Marathon" Event.

February 25, 2006

	Stewart “Stew” Jhonke: Olympic Hopeful

Former PubSprawler, Stewart “Stew” Jhonke, will be representing the US and going for the gold in the 2006 Torino Winter Olympics' "Pubcrawl Marathon" event tomorrow.

“Stew” as he is know to his fans, is America’s first real hope for gold in the event since its induction into the Games in 2002 in Salt Lake City. “Yeah-hey. Its like a dream come true, ‘dare. Ya’ know?” said the 32-year old athlete who hails from just out-side Iron Mountain in Michigan’s upper peninsula. He added, “You bet’cha.”

“I was new to Chicago when I went ta’ PubSpawl 6 back in 2002, just after ‘da last Olypics, yeah. Dat’s when I knew I had a knack fer’ kicking back da’ brew, ya’know? So I's been competin’ an’ trainin’ ever since, yeah-hey. Holidays, weddin’s, wakes; Wherever competitive drinkin’ was going on, I was ‘dare and whippin’ ass, yeah-hey.”

2002 Salt Lake City Pubcrawl Marathon - 8th pub on the route.

The Pubcrawl Marathon is one of the more grueling events in the Winter Olympics. Forty-one pubs are placed every kilometer along the twenty-six mile route. Competitors must consume one beer and one shot at each pub to score points and qualify for the next pub. In addition, competitors are judged on such skills and technique as walking upright, intelligible speech patterns, proper flirting technique, and, of course, bladder control. The Marathon can take days for some competitors to complete. Around thirty percent of the competitors die during event, while many more are permanently disabled.

	Stew is hopeful he can bring home the gold.

Still, Stew is hopeful  that he will bring home the gold this year. For the past four years, Stew has trained hard tocultivate and build the essential skills and endurance the event demands.

A strict diet of sausage, greasy food, "Pirate's Booty" popcorn, and alcohol is followed for weeks on end before the event. “Dehydration is always ‘da enemy” says Stew, “A lot ‘a ‘dem guys start getting ‘dem Charlie Horses or brain hemorrhages around the halfway point, you bet’cha.”. Also, ya’ gotta’ have a tolerance ta’ avoid ‘da alcohol poisoning. Last month my trainer moved up my daily regiment from Spaten Optimator and Bacardi ta’ paint thinner and vanilla, yeah-hey ‘dare.”

“Yer’ all bastards!” says 2002 gold medallist, Seamus “Salty” McNuzak, who has represented Ireland in the sport since its entry into the Games in 2002. “Ya’ Yank tossers can’t let us have one bloody event, can ya’? With yer’ giant SUVs and yer’ wee, tiny cell phones. Its not like Ireland dominates the Olympics, don’cha know. This is the one event we have an arse hair’s chance at winning.”

Then, after gulping down the rest of his Guinness, Salty jumped on his barstool and began stamping and shouting, “Yer not gettin' me gold!”

Stew trains with his friend.

Uganda’s 2002 bronze medallist, Umbaba Kenti, agreed, "Click-click pop click-click thrrrpt." After setting his beer down on the table, he added, "Click-click, thrrpt pop click, click-click click pop!"

“Yeah, they’re just scared, ya’ know,” replied Stew in response to Salty and Kenti’s comments. “I come from a long line of pubcrawlers. I’m half Norwegian, half Irish, a third German, and, here’s the kicker, and eighth Cherokee, so, ya’know, ‘dat’s an edge."

Catch Stew this weekend as he competes for the Olympics' top prize. "Ya know, it’s a shame dare that the Pubcrawl Event debuted in America and we didn’t even have a competitor. I can’t wait to bring home ‘da gold for ‘da US of A, yeah-hey.”