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I Had To Wash My Hair: People Who Didn’t Attend This Year’s PubSprawl Share Their Exciting Stories as to How They Spent March 12th, 2005

March 20, 2005

Becky Robinson of Chicago agrees. "I had a blast! I met so many cool people! Everyone's so friendly! This was my first one! "

Sandra Willington, a veteran Pub-Sprawler since 2000 also agrees. "I found that since I've been going to Pub-Sprawl with my friends for 5 years now, I recognize a lot of people. It's like a reunion and it's fun catching up with everyone. It's a really good time and I'd recommend it to others."

Gary Yost of Aurora, a three year veteran sums it up best, "I'm still hungover."

As the Pub-Sprawl has swelled in attendance over the years, getting an accurate count over of the number of the attendees has been difficult. Previous years included name tags, pins, and even the coloring of the middle finger with green. Although such markings assured that Pub-Sprawlers could partake in the drink specials offered by the bars, it did not lend itself to an accurate count of participants. This year, however, Mahoney hit on a simple yet effective idea: write down the number on the Pub-Sprawlers hand when they joined up.

With 275 people in attendance, it boads well for next year's dream of having over 300 at the 10th annual Pub-Sprawl. "I think we can do it. This year's Pub-Sprawl was the best to date!"

But What of Those Who Didn't Attend?

As much fun as the Pub-Sprawl was, this reporter, who joined up as number 103 during the 'Sprawl, can't help but wonder what about all the people who missed out? While Pub-Sprawlers were 'sprawling, how exactly did they spend their March 12th, 2005? Did they have more important things to do? Or did they just forget? Did they have something else more fun to go to? Or did some emergency come up?

My reporter bones were twiching. These were questions that needed answering.

I had to find out...

Non-Pub-Sprawlers Speak Out

...and find out I did.

With the help of Mahoney’s ever-growing email announcement list, I was able to track down a host of people who were not able to attend this year's Pub-Sprawl for one reason or another. Those that did not hang up on me were happy to share their stories as to how they spent March 12th, 2005 and why they couldn't, or didn't want to, attend Pub-Sprawl.

Below are some of their exciting stories and reasons as to why they missed this year's Pub-Sprawl. I'll leave it to you, the reader, to decide if they had a better time on March 12th than us Pub-Sprawlers.

Quinn McDermott: "Dude, I totally missed it cuz of my so-called best bud. He's an idiot. He printed out the super-non-print–friendly route like a jackass. He thought it was funny. I told him, dude, missing the Pub-Sprawl is not a laughing matter. Since we couldn't read it we had no idea where to go. I totally lost it on him right there on Addison and went home. Me and my best bud are not best buds no more. The idiot."

John "The Dillio" Dilleybeck: "Well, I had a bunch of buddies in town to watch my alma mater compete in March Madness on Friday night. We were sure they were going to have to play Saturday since they were playing Iowa of all teams. God. Anyway, we ended up losing to Iowa and were so depressed we couldn't muster the energy to join the Pub-Sprawl. F*ckin' Iowa."

Trent Degillio: "I was busy boycotting the Pub-Sprawl for not letting animals attend. This is my second year doing this. Muffycakes and I were busy protesting again at the dogpark. Down with Pub-Sprawl!'"

Connie Setneuf: "I didn't want to miss it. I just couldn't come up from Texas this year, so I spent the day doing a lot of non-drinking and non-socializing. I really wish I was able to go! I hope to attend next year for the big 10th anniversary! Please pass on the hellos from Texas to all my Pub-Sprawl friends!"

Tommy Thomas: "I got married. No, not on Pub-Sprawl. I got married like a year ago. What do you mean, 'what does that matter?' You married? Of course not. Screw you."

Bill Trumble: "I watched all three Lord of the Rings on DVD and I think I ate a whole bag of peanut M&Ms. Peter Jackson is amazing. Then I went to bed."

Jana Venuilia: "I like totally spaced out and went to meet everybody on Sunday, March 13th! So dumb! What? No, I'm not blonde. Who is this? Why did you call you? Wait, I didn't call you? Huh? Then why am I holding this phone thingy to my head?"

BustaPoon: "Dude, it's totally changed. I purposely do not attend. I was on the first couple when there was less people. There's too many people now and I'm all cranky and sh*t."

River Mythos: "Dude, I was kicking myself that I didn’t go! I knew all about it but then, like an idiot, I went out and partied my ass off – I mean, really partied my ass off – the night before. Totally got butt-wasted. Just partied my ass off like never before. Man, I was so wasted. Ass-wasted, you know? I was just so excited about it being Pub-Sprawl Eve. I didn’t get home until like 8 o'clock in the morning. I remember telling the cabbie to let me out at the Taco Burrito House. So stupid. Anyway, I like slept the whole day and when I woke up - around 7 o'clock at night, I was so hungover, I said, 'dude, next year - next year.' And that's cool, right, cuz like next year will be like the 10th, right? So, I won't like miss that one."

Reed Hammelsworth: "Man, it was like my birthday. I couldn't go. My friends like threw me a huge party and I couldn't miss it. The cake? It was one of those chocolate ice cream cakes. You know, with the fudge on top. Not bad. Candles? Yeah, I had a few candles. <laughter> Man, I can't tell you what I wished for, that's like totally bad luck and stuff. Presents? Yeah, I got presents. Who is this? Is this the FBI? You're wigging me out with all your questions, man."

Ted Blaygun: "I wasn't invited. Yes, I took them all off my friends list. Wait, who the hell is this?"

Cort Soul: "My wife and I are in the market for a new house. So, we spent most of the day looking at places. I think while you guys were on bar three, we were on house twenty-three. If you're printing this tell everyone buying a house sucks."

Sir Andrew "Ravenshead" Kasinsky: "Oh, this year was truly unfortunate. I had the difficult dilemma of choosing between the Pub-Sprawl and attending this year's gaming ConCon in Michigan. Truly a dialectical quadry of Kimon proportions! Since it is at ConCon that I sell my wares, I had to go. I had already sent in my monies months previous confirming my desireous booth. I was all but saddened to learn that I would be unable to attend the copious festivities that has become known as Pub-Sprawl. Rest assured, my mind and body was at ConCon whilst my heart and spirit was at Pub-Sprawl. Kaplah!!"

Matt Kromm: "Hello? How should I know what I did on March 12th? I don't remember... Pub-Sprawl? I dunno, it sounds like something I'd attend. Yeah, I prolly was there... Hey, wait a minute, yeah, I was totally there! I went to Pub-Sprawl you jack-ass! I even brought a ton of friends! Who the hell is this? Did Feehan set you up to this? That asshole!"

Greg Kaufson: "I had no intention of going this year. I spent the day welding with my Really Cool Car Club, known on the internet as the RCCC. You can read about it in my blog. It’s great. I’m trying to weld together a special chair that is modeled after a race car seat for my XBOX. That way when I play any racing game it’s like I’m really driving. A friend of mine in the RCCC did that and it's AWESOME! He has the special steering wheel controller where the steering wheel should be. So COOL!"

Cindy Gearson: "I'm not into anything having to do with the pubcrawl or Pub-Sprawl, whatever you call it. I went mini-golfing with my Bible Study group. It was a great time and probably a lot better than anything the pubcrawlers did. Mini-golfing is fun!"

Sarah Brown: "I just sat around and watched TV. What are you from Neilson's?"

Andy L'lepoir: "It was a very difficult choice. I've been on a lot of Pub-Sprawls and know what they're all about. However, this year, it was between Pub-Sprawl in Chicago and this beer-tasting festival in Peoria. I had to go with the beer-tasting. I know, the Peoria thing is kinda lame. Okay, very lame. But the beer-tasting festival, that was a lot of fun. I'll be back next year for the 10th Annual Pub-Sprawl. Good times, good times."

Eric Abramson: "Look, I'll be honest with you. And this is just between you and me, okay? You see, I'm lame. My wife and I don't go out, drink, or meet people anymore. It's like a hobby of ours to stay in and avoid people. I don't know what to tell you. Since we moved to the suburbs we just got really, really lame. Oh well, time to have a kid."

Amy Sunday: "My husband and I knew we couldn't attend this year because we're doing work on our house. We're not like all these kids who rent in the city and can go out all the time. My husband and I agreed that this was more important. Your home is your greatest investment, you know. So instead of attending, we went to Home Depot and bought some new bathroom tiles, cabinets, and a bunch of other things. We had to rent a Home Depot truck. Then - now get this, this is the funny part - we headed up to Ikea. Yeah, with the Home Depot truck. It was so wrong, I know! Anyway, we bought more stuff there, drove back, and I started working on the bathroom that night, while my husband returned the truck."

The last response I received before the story went to print was from a John Hook of Chicago. His correspondence to me below was received via email on March 19th, 2005:

John Hook: "Hey what's up? Tell everyone that I am alive and well. Sorry to have missed the Pub-Sprawl. I'm in Zanzibar right now and the services here are far from modern. No phone or internet here and sometimes no electricity. I'm lucky I found one internet cafe to send this. I'm about 9 or 10 hours ahead, so I think when you all were on Pub-Sprawl when I was coming down Mount Kilimanjaro. I suffered altitude sickness for a week while climbing it and my buddy Casey and I had to turn around and head back down in the middle of a huge snowstorm at 17,500 feet - at three in the morning. Since then, I've spent a week on the beaches. Anyway, yesterday, I went snorkeling and swam with dolphins. Leaving for safari here in a few days. Sorry to miss the Pub-Sprawl but I will see you all next year! AGAIN!"

Pub-Sprawl correspondent Ralph Lake investigated and contributed to this report.